Our Wedding Ceremony by Marley Jay 24/12/15

The songwriter and philosopher Eden Ahbez said “the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” How can that be? We spend our lives telling people we love them and hearing them say they love us. We love to hear nice things about ourselves. We enjoy it when people show their appreciation. But loving someone in the deepest sense and being loved by them turns out to be a challenge.

To love someone well, you have to love what that person brings to your life but also love them unselfishly — not just because it feels nice when they do kind things for you. You have to love them, but recognize there is more to love than romance. You must see them for who they are and help them achieve what they want — while accepting that you can’t do it for them. You have to put your new family first while keeping a sense of yourself. You have to accept that sometimes things will go wrong. In loving someone else you accept so much of the unknown into your life.

And to accept that kind of love in return, you have to admit this other person sees your best and worst qualities. You have to understand that this person chooses you again and again, day after day — which is such an enormous and consequential choice that it’s hard to grasp. It can be frightening, but loving them well forces you to push beyond that. You might be tempted to prove you’re worthy of that kind of love, to show you deserve it. But you don’t have to prove anything. You have to be that same person you already are while trying to improve and care for another person in that deepest way.

Today we’re here to celebrate what you’ve already learned about loving each other and your pledge to keep loving and being loved. There’s so much to learn and so much hard, joyful work to do. The blogger N’tima Preusser gave this advice on that work — advice I think you’re already following:

Marry your best friend.  I do not say that lightly.  Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person that you fall in love with.  Someone who speaks highly of you.  Someone you can laugh with.  Wit is important.  Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them.  Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry too.  Despair will come.  Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times.  Marry someone who you wouldn't mind waking up to every day for the rest of your life.  The one who makes you glad to be alive.  Marry someone who makes you the best version of yourself.  The one who believes in you, even when you don't.  The one who stands by you through thick and thin.  The one who brings sunshine to the most greyest of your days.  Marry someone you can't imagine your life without.  Marry the one you are completely in love with, and the one who is completely in love with you.

I’m honored to be a part of your wedding. I hope this day is everything you dreamed it would be. And I hope this is the best day of your week. I hope it’s the best day of your month. And most of all I hope it’s equaled and surpassed by many, many other days over the course of your marriage. Not just days where you travel somewhere or do something spectacular to fulfill a lifelong dream — days where you hang around the house and see friends, go out for a meal and a drink at a place you’ve been many times before and look at each other and think “I am so happy that this is my life.” I hope those days surpass this one, too. Because this is a wonderful occasion and I hope you’re enjoying your wedding, but what I wish you the most is a great marriage.

Michael,

Do you take Rachel to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and keep her all the days of your life? If so, say ‘I do’ and as a symbol of your promise, place the ring on Rachel’s finger.

Rachel,

Do you take Michael to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and keep him all the days of your life? If so, say ‘I do’ and as a symbol of your promise, place the ring on Michael’s finger.
 

By the power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries and the City of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may seal your vows with a kiss.